For those of you facing the Empty- Nest Years, it can be emotional, sad, scary.... there are plenty of adjectives to describe it. Many times it seems like you blink and it's here. Having a game plan is helpful.

  Here are some things I found helpful as I navigated that new territory:

-Allow yourself the right to your feelings

  We all know logically that kids growing up is a normal, healthy thing and if it wouldn’t happen, that would be even more sad. However, if you truly enjoyed your kids being home and watching them grow up, facing them leaving home and starting their own adventures can be sad and scary. You feel scared that they might make mistakes, they might lose touch with you, you might lose touch with your spouse –the list goes on and on.  Sometimes we don’t even know we’re feeling these things and other times we do but we’re ashamed of them and keep those thoughts to ourselves.   

 Some moms are ready for the empty-nest stage and it might make you feel weird for the way you feel, like you just can’t handle things “the right way.” What I have found is there is no right or wrong way. It just is what it is. What is a big deal to someone else might not be a big deal to you and vice versa. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Allow yourself the time to process those feelings. Sometimes that may mean pulling out the photo album (if you have 1 of those in this digital age) or watching movies or videos from years ago and having a good cry. Tears are cleansing and often a good way to release feelings from the past. Sometimes at this point in your life, it makes us aware of the “mistakes” we made as moms and also makes us aware of how quickly the years have passed. All of these things are normal. It’s ok to feel that way. The most important thing you can do at this time is to acknowledge how you feel and sort though them. You’re not “less than” if you deeply feel sad at the thought of leaving this stage of life.

-Look forward

 Staying where we are is comfortable, especially if we like where we are. When we dropped our youngest son off at college and I was trying to control the tears that were flowing, I told my husband, “Change is never easy but it’s especially hard when you like your life the way it is.” One thing that has helped me to transition to the empty-nest years is looking forward to what is to come. Having children at home had its challenges but I chose not to remember those things. I can make the same choice in facing the empty-nest years; I can choose to focus on the positives, not the negatives.

 John Maxwell says, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it.” As I started to move into the empty-nest years, I tried to find something to be grateful for. I have personally found it helpful to start a gratitude list, whether it be a paper journal or a list on your phone. Every day, try to find at least 1 thing to be thankful for. It’s amazing how that can transform a situation, just by changing how you look at it. A wonderful benefit to the empty-nest years is grandchildren. We now have 5 grandchildren, as well as lots of extended family/ bonus “grandkids”, and they bring so much joy to us! We are again enjoying having kids around and so proud of our children in their roles as parents.

-Make New Goals

 Many times as moms, we love caring for our homes and families and that becomes our sole focus. I personally think that is how it should be but the downside of that is, when it’s time to move to the empty-nest years, many times we don’t know how to make that transition. Many times we don’t know who we are, what we like, or what we want to do next; over the years, we forget who we once were. The exciting part of that is that we get to rediscover her! We can learn to dream and set goals again. Many times we stay in jobs we don’t like because we need the stability of the income to support our family. Often, when the kids grow up, that can be a chance for us to learn new skills or change jobs to something that is more fulfilling and leads to a greater purpose.

-Do things you never had time for

  A lot of times we let go of things we enjoyed doing because we just don’t have time for them.  The empty-nest years are a great time to rediscover those things. Reading books, exercising, painting, gardening, and traveling are just a few things that often get forgotten during the years of raising our kids. Being able to do those things again can be relaxing and enjoyable; it’s part of the reward of raising your children and a great way to fill the extra hours you now have. We often put ourselves on the back burner and set ourselves up for health problems down the road. If you’ve gotten out of shape, this is a great time to incorporate an exercise plan and focus on your health, hopefully avoiding or at least decreasing your risk for health problems.

-Focus on your marriage

 In the process of raising kids, working and doing all the other things necessary in life, often our marriages get neglected. The empty-nest stage is a great time to rekindle your marriage. Usually early in your marriage and when your kids are young, you often don’t have money to spend to go on dates or you can’t find a babysitter for the kids so dates nights get forgotten. When your kids are older, often the money is more available and you have more free time to do fun things. This can be a great time to start to dream again-talk about places you want to visit and things you want to accomplish, just like you did when you were dating and newly married. Make date nights a priority. It doesn’t have to be every week but at least once a month, set aside a date night with your husband. It can even be a stay-at-home date night. Make sure you put it on the calendar and keep the date, just like you would any other appointment. Our husbands often feel neglected when we are caring for the kids so this is a great time to get to know each other again and rekindle “the spark”.

These are a few things that have helped me with the transition into the empty-nest years. I hope you have found this helpful. My hope is that you, too, will find renewed focus and purpose in your life, rediscover the joy of spending time with your husband, make new goals, and be able to say, “The best is yet to come.”

Love and blessings,

Mindy

P.S. If you have forgotten who you are, or how to dream again, I would love to help you ….I’m a life coach and I can help! Visit my website mindyheinercoaching.com to schedule a coaching session. I offer a free 30 minute session as an introduction  if you’re new to the life coaching world. I can’t wait to chat with you!

So many times we find ourselves living a life that doesn’t look exactly like we think it should look. Things happen that we didn’t count on or want to happen. Maybe it was a result of choices we made or things we had no control over.  Maybe you’re doing all the “right” things, but it’s still a constant, uphill battle. Living paycheck to paycheck.  Working jobs that sap your energy and that really don’t speak to your passions and skills.

So many times in the past,  I compared myself to others and experienced discontentment   If you find yourself there, the common reaction for most of us is to start looking around us. You notice the neighbor that drives a new car. The friend who seems to “have it all together”.  The friend who can buy whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and doesn’t seem to appreciate it. How about the friend that can eat whatever she wants to, doesn’t exercise, and still looks as if she stepped out of a magazine?

 I often felt  like I was doing it “all wrong” as a mom. I looked around me at other moms and felt like they had it all together. Their families looked perfect and many times I felt good about just having us all dressed and fed, let alone color coordinated and neatly pressed!

When my boys were little, I attended a Women of Faith Conference with some ladies from church. During one of the sessions, Luci Swindoll told of a trip she took to Alaska and how she wanted more than anything to see a whale. She was so intently watching for a whale that she almost missed a cute, little penguin on an iceberg.  She began to watch him and he was putting on a show for her-dancing and flapping his wings. She recounted that his antics were so cute; it made her laugh and suddenly she realized that she almost missed this fun, impromptu show because it wasn’t what she was looking for. How many times in life do we miss out on the magical moments in life because they aren’t what we were looking for?

I have felt that way many times in my life, not appreciating the blessings I have. After coming home from that conference, I began to look more for the joy in the moment and being content where I was. I began to realize that the big things in life are actually the little things. It’s the day-to-day interactions with family and friends that bring joy and meaning to our lives. It’s realizing that today is the tomorrow you dreamed about yesterday.  Even though I still make mistakes, here are a few things that help me to find contentment:

Even if it’s not exactly what you had in mind, counting your blessings will help you refocus and appreciate the things you have. What you have and take for granted may very well be an enormous luxury for someone else; they may wish they are where YOU are!

So many times we get into a routine or we are so exhausted from working and caring for our homes and our families that we neglect to allow time to enjoy the moment.  We have our schedules booked so full that we don’t have any down time. Have you ever noticed that little kids are so fascinated with looking at small stones or worms and we just want to get things checked off our list? They find joy and magic in each moment, no matter how simple.

I heard this saying once and I love it: “The best way to help yourself is to help others”.   (Author unknown)  If you find yourself feeling down, try to find someone that you can help. When you do something nice for someone else, it brightens your day as well as theirs and many times makes us realize that lots of people have it much worse than we do.  

So often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone. Enjoy each moment, my friend, because soon it will be a memory. Have a wonderful day!

Love and blessings,

Mindy

Here are some ways I can help you:

-Christian Life Coaching to utilize tools to help you get the results you want in life. I would love to help you! Visit mindyheinercoaching.com to schedule a time to chat….I offer a free 30 minute session to start!

-Natural Wellness to offer simple, quick ways to care for and keep your body healthy so you can live your best life now!

Living a simple life looks different for each person. It doesn’t mean you have to buy a farm and live off the land. You can still live a life that is simple and fulfilling without doing those things at all.

I know a couple that owned a big, fancy house. A few years ago they decided to sell and rent a small, simple house so they could afford to buy a property at the beach. They said being at the beach revived them; they felt at peace and closer to God at the beach and it was how they renewed their energy. That was what living a simple life meant for them-removing the financial strain of their big house so they could spend time doing what they love.

Usually we’re so busy we don’t take time to think about how we want our lives to look-we just run from one thing to another, all day, every day. Many times we have no idea what we really want.

Why is living a simple life (one that brings joy and meaning to your life) important? Life is short. We have no idea how long we have on this earth. We were put here for a purpose and on purpose. Being stressed out all the time by finances and overbooked schedules can cause long-term damage to your health. High blood pressure, sleep problems, weight gain ( to name just a few) are usually indicators of stress and an out-of-balance lifestyle.

What does your simple life look like? Is it downsizing so you can quit your stressful job and have a more meaningful job and still be able to pay your bills? Is it starting your own business so you have time to care for your family? Is it owning a cabin in the mountains so you can get away and enjoy the peace and quiet?

Now that you know why you need a simple life, how do you get there? I’m not sure who to credit this saying to but I’ve heard it said that you can’t get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going. Maybe you love the way your life is right now. If so, that’s awesome! If you find yourself saying, “I sure wish I could….” or “I want to do this….”, then maybe it’s time to sit down and come up with a game plan.

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Take a few minutes to inventory what your life looks like currently and what you would like to have changed.  Maybe you love most things about your life and you only need to tweak a few small things.

2) What would be involved with changing those things? Write down a list of the steps so you have a clear idea what you need to do. Do you need to change your spending habits to save money to fund those changes? Do you need to downsize? Do you need to change jobs?

3) Set a timeline to implement those changes. Small changes can be implemented daily or weekly. If your goal is to change your finances, maybe you pack lunch instead of buying lunch. If you have a larger goal, like downsizing, break that into smaller steps and give yourself dates to accomplish those goals.

4) Don’t get discouraged. Sometimes making changes can feel overwhelming. Just remember that small steps are still progress. No matter how long it takes to get there, it will be worth the hard work to get there.

5) Enjoy the journey. This process will grow you. You will learn a lot about yourself and it will help you to appreciate your life when you finally reach your goals.

Not sure where to start? Good news! I’m a life coach….I can help! I would love to chat with you to help you determine your next steps. If you don’t know what life coaching is, visit my website and book a free 30 minute session.  I can’t wait to chat with you!           

mindyheinercoaching.com

Love and blessings,

Mindy

If you’re like me, you love being a mom. You love having kids around. You love the busy-ness, the schedules, the friends coming over.... all of it. I loved every stage of kids from infants to teens.  I loved my life just the way it was and the thought of my life changing and not having kids around was very hard for me.

I realized as the empty-nest stage approached, my life had been so centered around my kids and my family (which I felt was the way it was supposed to be-no regrets there!) that I realized, I had no goals for the future. I was happily engrossed in caring for the house, running the kids from place to place, attending concerts and football games, having movie nights and game nights, and working full-time to help make ends meet at home.  I was in denial that my life would always stay that way, even though I logically knew it wouldn’t.

 My husband was a single father when I met him so we literally had kids from day 1. As we neared the empty nest stage, I began to wonder, what’s going to happen next? Will the next stage of my life be as wonderful as the previous one? Where do I go from here? And what about our marriage? Since we won’t have kids at home anymore, will we be able to stay connected and enjoy the closeness we had when the kids were home or will we be like a lot of couples and split up because they grew apart and found out they no longer had anything in common?

Why does this happen? I’m sure you’ve heard of a “midlife crisis”. In my thinking, the empty-nest phase is a woman’s “midlife crisis”. Everything we have done for many years is suddenly changing and if you thoroughly enjoyed it, as I did, it’s sad to leave that part of your life behind. It’s also scary because that stage was familiar and comfortable.

Change is never easy and I think it’s especially hard when you like your life the way it is and you want it to stay that way. You begin to question if you will have purpose beyond caring for your kids. You wonder if you will find the same enjoyment and fulfillment in the empty-nest years. It also causes you to evaluate where you are. Sometimes in that evaluation process, it can cause you to rethink things and make some adjustments.

Like most things in life, mindset is a huge part of facing the empty-nest years.  I’ve heard it said, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.” I have found that to be true. Yes, things do change, and yes, they can be just as wonderful and fulfilling as having kids at home. Look for the good in the situation and you will find it.

I hope you have found this to be encouraging. 

If you find yourself in a tough season, I would love to help you navigate it. I'm a life coach....I can help! Not sure what life coaching is and if it can help you? Visit my website and book a session. The 1st session (30 minutes) is free so it's win-win!    Visit mindyheinercoaching.com

Love and blessings,

Mindy

 We’re all familiar with the changing of the seasons. Every spring we look forward to flowers and trees budding and blooming after a long, cold winter (depending where you live). Summer brings picnics, warm temperatures, and often trips to the beach or pool. Fall brings welcome coolness and preparation for winter. Winter brings the holidays and usually much colder temperatures. Each season has its benefits and downsides.

Just as we have different seasons of weather, we have different seasons in our life. Perhaps you are a working mom, juggling all the home and family responsibilities while working away from home. Maybe you  quit your job to be a stay-at-home mom.  Neither of these things are right or wrong and both have benefits, as well as downsides.   Each of these choices can be right depending on the season you are in.

If you have little ones, sometimes it doesn’t make sense financially to pay for childcare while you work, depending on your pay scale, etc. Sometimes it’s feasible for a couple to alternate schedules to care for the kids so both parents can work but the kids are cared for. (Be sure you are still make time for communication and couple time because it’s easy to lose touch when you don’t see each other very often!) Maybe you both work the same shift and pay for childcare. Maybe your kids are older so you decided to go back to work after being home.

No matter what season you are in right now, this season has a purpose. Don’t wish it away for something different; the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence. Enjoy   each moment because the moments go by so fast! And like all seasons, it will change. The kids grow up, the jobs change, and later you will realize that the small moments were actually the big moments.

Many times there are many different  “right” choices. You just have to do the best you can to determine what is best for you at that moment. Pray for guidance. Talk to a trusted friend or family member for wisdom. But remember not to beat yourself up for the choices you make. You do the best you can to determine what is best at that time with the information you have. Trust your gut and give yourself grace that you are doing the best you can.

Comparing yourself and your situation to others will most definitely steal your ability to enjoy your family and the moments you have right now. Finding at least 1 thing each day to be thankful for helps me to refocus and to appreciate all that God has blessed me with.   Making a list of things that you are thankful for can entirely change how you deal with a situation; it determines whether you will see the glass half full or half empty.  But like the seasons outside, life seasons quickly change. Enjoy each moment!

Love and blessings,

Mindy

-Christian Life Coaching to utilize tools to help you get the results you want in life. I would love to help you! Visit mindyheinercoaching.com to schedule a time to chat….I offer a free 30 minute session to start!

-Natural Wellness to offer simple, quick ways to care for and keep your body healthy so you can live your best life now!