For those of you facing the Empty- Nest Years, it can be emotional, sad, scary.... there are plenty of adjectives to describe it. Many times it seems like you blink and it's here. Having a game plan is helpful.

  Here are some things I found helpful as I navigated that new territory:

-Allow yourself the right to your feelings

  We all know logically that kids growing up is a normal, healthy thing and if it wouldn’t happen, that would be even more sad. However, if you truly enjoyed your kids being home and watching them grow up, facing them leaving home and starting their own adventures can be sad and scary. You feel scared that they might make mistakes, they might lose touch with you, you might lose touch with your spouse –the list goes on and on.  Sometimes we don’t even know we’re feeling these things and other times we do but we’re ashamed of them and keep those thoughts to ourselves.   

 Some moms are ready for the empty-nest stage and it might make you feel weird for the way you feel, like you just can’t handle things “the right way.” What I have found is there is no right or wrong way. It just is what it is. What is a big deal to someone else might not be a big deal to you and vice versa. It’s ok to feel what you feel. Allow yourself the time to process those feelings. Sometimes that may mean pulling out the photo album (if you have 1 of those in this digital age) or watching movies or videos from years ago and having a good cry. Tears are cleansing and often a good way to release feelings from the past. Sometimes at this point in your life, it makes us aware of the “mistakes” we made as moms and also makes us aware of how quickly the years have passed. All of these things are normal. It’s ok to feel that way. The most important thing you can do at this time is to acknowledge how you feel and sort though them. You’re not “less than” if you deeply feel sad at the thought of leaving this stage of life.

-Look forward

 Staying where we are is comfortable, especially if we like where we are. When we dropped our youngest son off at college and I was trying to control the tears that were flowing, I told my husband, “Change is never easy but it’s especially hard when you like your life the way it is.” One thing that has helped me to transition to the empty-nest years is looking forward to what is to come. Having children at home had its challenges but I chose not to remember those things. I can make the same choice in facing the empty-nest years; I can choose to focus on the positives, not the negatives.

 John Maxwell says, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it.” As I started to move into the empty-nest years, I tried to find something to be grateful for. I have personally found it helpful to start a gratitude list, whether it be a paper journal or a list on your phone. Every day, try to find at least 1 thing to be thankful for. It’s amazing how that can transform a situation, just by changing how you look at it. A wonderful benefit to the empty-nest years is grandchildren. We now have 5 grandchildren, as well as lots of extended family/ bonus “grandkids”, and they bring so much joy to us! We are again enjoying having kids around and so proud of our children in their roles as parents.

-Make New Goals

 Many times as moms, we love caring for our homes and families and that becomes our sole focus. I personally think that is how it should be but the downside of that is, when it’s time to move to the empty-nest years, many times we don’t know how to make that transition. Many times we don’t know who we are, what we like, or what we want to do next; over the years, we forget who we once were. The exciting part of that is that we get to rediscover her! We can learn to dream and set goals again. Many times we stay in jobs we don’t like because we need the stability of the income to support our family. Often, when the kids grow up, that can be a chance for us to learn new skills or change jobs to something that is more fulfilling and leads to a greater purpose.

-Do things you never had time for

  A lot of times we let go of things we enjoyed doing because we just don’t have time for them.  The empty-nest years are a great time to rediscover those things. Reading books, exercising, painting, gardening, and traveling are just a few things that often get forgotten during the years of raising our kids. Being able to do those things again can be relaxing and enjoyable; it’s part of the reward of raising your children and a great way to fill the extra hours you now have. We often put ourselves on the back burner and set ourselves up for health problems down the road. If you’ve gotten out of shape, this is a great time to incorporate an exercise plan and focus on your health, hopefully avoiding or at least decreasing your risk for health problems.

-Focus on your marriage

 In the process of raising kids, working and doing all the other things necessary in life, often our marriages get neglected. The empty-nest stage is a great time to rekindle your marriage. Usually early in your marriage and when your kids are young, you often don’t have money to spend to go on dates or you can’t find a babysitter for the kids so dates nights get forgotten. When your kids are older, often the money is more available and you have more free time to do fun things. This can be a great time to start to dream again-talk about places you want to visit and things you want to accomplish, just like you did when you were dating and newly married. Make date nights a priority. It doesn’t have to be every week but at least once a month, set aside a date night with your husband. It can even be a stay-at-home date night. Make sure you put it on the calendar and keep the date, just like you would any other appointment. Our husbands often feel neglected when we are caring for the kids so this is a great time to get to know each other again and rekindle “the spark”.

These are a few things that have helped me with the transition into the empty-nest years. I hope you have found this helpful. My hope is that you, too, will find renewed focus and purpose in your life, rediscover the joy of spending time with your husband, make new goals, and be able to say, “The best is yet to come.”

Love and blessings,

Mindy

P.S. If you have forgotten who you are, or how to dream again, I would love to help you ….I’m a life coach and I can help! Visit my website mindyheinercoaching.com to schedule a coaching session. I offer a free 30 minute session as an introduction  if you’re new to the life coaching world. I can’t wait to chat with you!